Ten Most Embarrassing Moments in Cesar Lumba's Life

By Paulita T Lumba

My husband, known to his friends as "Chay" and to his acquaintances as "Cesar," can be an Inspector Clouseau in social situations. Part of the reason, I'm sure, is that he is so confident of himself and is used to getting away with a lot of things that most people can't get away with. He seems less careful than most about his behavior even in certain very sensitive circumstances.

He doesn't get embarrassed easily, but does so upon reflection. Many of his embarrassed reactions are delayed reactions. It is only after he asks himself - or me - if what he did was embarrassing that he actually feels embarrassed. Once he gets into his self-analysis kick, he can't let go. Every time he remembers his embarrassing moment, he literally shivers like electricity passes his body.

1. The fried chicken. The wife of one of the prominent Filipino doctors who lived in Westchester County, New York, invited us and a few Filipino community activists for a merienda meeting. On entering the family room next to the kitchen, Cesar saw that there was a dog sitting on the sofa. As the guests sauntered in, the dog rose from its slumber and left the room.

Cesar put some fried chicken and potato salad on his plate and sat on one of the chairs in the family room. As soon as he sat on the chair, Cesar took the drumstick on his plate and started to smell it. Not satisfied, he looked at the soles of his shoes and started sniffing, very obviously trying to find out if he had stepped on dog urine, or worse, dog poo.

Everybody in the room was looking at him. Some were mortified. Nobody was eating.

The community-activist wife of the prominent Westchester county doctor never invited us to their house again.

2. The carpet or the dress. I did not witness this, Cesar just told me this story. Once, when his first wife threw a party in their house, Cesar got so tipsy that his judgment was impaired. He was holding a glass of wine when he lost his balance. He had a choice - would he let the wine spill on the carpet, which was brand new and gleaming white, or on the dress of one of the guests, who was sitting nearby? He chose to let the wine pour on the guest's dress.

Later, Cesar's wife asked him why he let the wine pour on the dress instead of on the carpet? His reaction was, "Was it obvious?"

The poor guest never went to their house for any subsequent parties ever again.

3. The "world famous" buffet at Palace Station. My close friend from way back was sent by Philippine Airlines to Las Vegas for training. She and her husband had hosted a very expensive dinner for us when we were in the Philippines the previous year, so we showed my friend the town and I had taken her shopping.

Cesar suggested that our dinner should be at the Palace Station, where O J Simpson had been caught in a hold-up fiasco, and which advertised "the best buffet in town" for only $6.95 per person. Cesar felt that our guest should get the real flavor of Las Vegas by having dinner at a buffet restaurant.

When we got there, a part of the restaurant was under renovation, and there was hardly any food left. Even our son Paul thought the food "sucked." I was so embarrassed I made it a point to take my friend the following day to one of the more expensive restaurants in town. This was one time Cesar's embarrassment was not a delayed reaction. I saw that he was very uncomfortable throughout the meal.

4. The Tank Top at a Business Meeting. Cesar and his friend Dong Guinto had a scheduled meeting with a large printer in the Philippines whose printing facilities the two were examining because they had an order to print hundreds of thousands of copies of prospectuses.

It was so hot in the Philippines at the time, so Cesar decided to go really informal. He wore his favorite blue tank top - "sando" to Filipinos - and his khaki shorts. He and Dong talked with the owners, had a meeting with them in the conference room all while Cesar was in his tank top and shorts.

Later Dong related to me that Cesar's armpit hair was sticking out all through the meeting and the tour of the facilities and that Dong was embarrassed for him. It was only then that Cesar felt the embarrassment. To-date, every time he remembers his blue tank top, he makes a smacking sound with his mouth, and he hits himself in the head.

5. The "I've Got You Under My Skin." Cesar has talked about this many times. He was introduced as the Frank Sinatra of La Salle in one of the largest gatherings of his alma mater's alumni association. He started off his "I've Got You Under My Skin" quite well, even got a huge ovation, but as he kept singing, it became clear to everyone that his singing was not in sync with the melody. When he stopped, the music was still playing.

The audience didn't know whether to clap or boo. Cesar was nowhere to be found. He let many minutes pass before sneaking back into his seat next to me in the auditorium.

6. The Hawaiian shirt. I was out of town when the mother of Cesar's sister-in-law passed away, so my version of the story is only from what I could piece together. At the Catholic Mass prior to interment, Cesar showed up in Church wearing a Hawaiian shirt. Everybody was wearing a dark suit or a black dress, Cesar had on a green Hawaiian shirt.

His nephew and niece came up to him and asked him why he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and Cesar said when he left the house that morning, he had forgotten that he was going to a wake. He thought he was going to a prayer session for someone who had already been buried.

7. Wynn or Nanay Gloria's. My heavy-hitter friend and her husband were in town. Since we had been taking them around Las Vegas for the last couple of days, they decided to treat us to the very expensive and famous buffet at the Wynn.

I don't know what got into Cesar's head, but he suggested that we should try Nanay Gloria's instead, a Filipino turo-turo (buffet) restaurant. When we got there, it was packed and there was no place to sit. We had to wait for people to leave before we could find a place for ourselves. Our guests did not like the food and got very little food for themselves.

Our son Paul hated the place and refused to go inside, so Cesar every now and then had to go outside and check on Paul. It was our last meal together with our friends and instead of having a memorable one at the Wynn hotel and casino, we ate like the Japanese did during the 2nd World War, when American bombs were raining on Tokyo. We gulped down our food and were out of there in a minute.

8. The "pregnant" client. When Cesar was still in the insurance business, he had a husband-wife client who had been recommended to him by one of our close friends. The woman was our friend's niece.

When Cesar saw the niece, he asked her if she was pregnant. She said no, she wasn't pregnant, just fat.

9. The third-place finish. Cesar thought he had a great speech, many of his Toastmasters teammates thought it was a great speech. When the judges' decision was announced, Cesar's name was called first - a third-place finish in a contest where there were only three contestants.

Cesar literally sank in his seat, didn't rise until his name was called again. It was his most embarrassing moment in his Toastmasters career and the only one of his contests that I and our daughter Natasha attended.

In his speech Cesar talked about how proud he was whenever he saw his father cleaning and polishing his father's long-nosed 38 caliber pistol at the window of their house in Santa Ana, Manila when Cesar was growing up. The massacre at the Columbine happened on the day of the contest, and I don't think the judges liked the fact that Cesar's speech seemed to glorify gun ownership.

10. The bubble. This one happened when Cesar was thirteen. It was the first dance party he had attended. He was dancing the slow drag with this cute little girl in the middle of the living room. He remembers telling the girl a joke that he found very funny. He laughed at his own joke and a bubble grew and grew from one of his nostrils.

He turned around and walked away while the girl stood in the middle of the room.

I'm sure that Cesar has had many more embarrassing moments in his life because he can be klutzy and careless, but I'd say those were the top ten.