I got a few calls telling me that the post titled "Ten Most Embarrassing Moments in Cesar Lumba's Life" was hilarious. One of the callers was my friend, Ben Pangilinan from New Jersey, who said he thought my wife Paulita is an even better writer than me and writes funnier stories.
My sister-in-law asked why my stay in a New Jersey hospital in 1989 was not included in the all-time best. I told her that it was originally on the list but I edited it out. I also edited out a portion of my wife's original post, which I felt might gross some readers out.
"But you took away the punchline," she said. "That was the part that really made you look hysterical."
Because of these developments, I have revisited the Ten Most Embarrassing and am putting back the sections that I removed from the original and adding an 11th embarrassing moment, which would have been one of the ten. Since there were only ten in the original, one of those that were in the published version must not have been in the original, right? You are correct. The tenth most embarrassing - the one about me as a 13 year old blowing a bubble out of my nostril - was not in the original list made up by Paulita.
The section that was edited out of Paulita's submission (from I've Got You Under My Skin):
(Background: I sang Frank Sinatra's "I've Got You Under My Skin" in front of about 300 people, mainly alumni of De La Salle University in Manila, and found out after I stopped singing that I had sung out of sync with the background music. I had already stopped singing but the music was still going.)
That night, Cesar went to bed still depressed about his performance on stage. He had a hard time falling asleep, while I was out as soon as I closed my eyes. I was tired.
I woke up in the middle of the night and saw Cesar sitting on the bed, apparently having awakened from a nightmare. He was screaming: "Nakakahiya! Hindi na ako kakanta uli sa stage." (It was humiliating, I'm not going to ever sing on stage again.)
During the next two weeks, he woke up in the middle of the night at least three times with the same resolution. Never again, he would say, never again would he sing on stage, especially when he could not hear the melody.
I told him he should forget about I've Got You Under My Skin. "I'm sure people have forgotten about that already."
I noticed, though, occasionally he would make that smacking noise with his lips, something that he does when he remembers a faux pas or something that he finds embarrassing.
More times than not, I am correct when I say, "you remembered 'I've Got You Under My Skin' again."
11, was originally 10. The bullet-riddled briefs. One evening in 1989, Cesar was looking for briefs to wear after his shower. Most of his briefs were in the wash, so I handed him a pair of briefs that he was no longer wearing because they were full of bullet holes.
I said, "Why don't you wear these, since you are going to bed anyway and nobody will see you wearing them." So he put on those briefs.
That night, he suffered his first atrial fibrillation episode. His heart was beating fast and irregularly. I rushed him to a hospital emergency room.
He was given some medication to put his heart back in rhythm and a Xanax to calm him down. After a couple of hours, his heart went back into sinus (normal) rhythm. A pretty, young Filipina nurse went into his room to check him out, to make sure that he had had no heart attack, or swollen feet, etc.
The nurse asked him to lift his right leg. Cesar was wide awake already and he remembered that he was wearing the briefs that I had handed over to him. Cesar looked at me, his face clearly showing embarrassment. He rolled to his side and lifted his leg. Meanwhile, with his two hands he was covering his crotch. The nurse examined his right leg, laid it down gently and said, "Now let's see your left leg."
The nurse was already in on the farce. She had seen that Cesar's briefs was shot full of holes and was good-naturedly needling him.
Cesar squirmed and laid on his right side, lifting his left leg for the nurse to see. The nurse was openly laughing, so was I, and Cesar lay there with a quizzical smile on his face.
After the nurse left, Cesar turned to me and said, "Hayop ka, bakit mo ipinasuot sa akin yung sira-sira kong briefs." (You animal, why did you make me wear these tattered briefs?)
I will be on vacation for a week and won't be able to acknowledge your comments if you send them by email. If you wish to comment on this or any other post, please make your comments here on the blog itself. Don't email me, or call me.
I hope you agree with Paulita that if I had included the sections I had edited out of her post, the Ten Most Embarrassing post would have been funnier.
